School vs. Parents: How Conflicting Approaches Impact Your Child's Learning?

‘Mumma, it is vacation time, and guess what - the school has again given loads of holiday homework’, cribs your child. What’s your reaction likely to be? ‘Oh shucks! They always sabotage our holidays’, or ‘You know what,, they give some really interesting tasks that are meaningful, let’s have a look!’ Needless to say, you can well imagine the impact your approach may have on the child. 

Let’s draw a parallel to a situation at home. You persuade your child to ‘Eat your veggies’. The spouse, on the other hand goes ‘It's ok Ruhi, I don't like this vegetable either. Let’s just Swiggy some pizza.’ 

Isn’t this quite literally a recipe for disaster? While we are aware in theory that holistic, positive child rearing is a function of synergy and teamwork, we often demonstrate the exact opposite.

In this article we will examine what the divergence between home and school does to the learning process, relationships, and growth of children. 

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The Importance of a Synergistic Approach

So, why is it important for  parents and the school to be aligned on their goals? 

An orchestra sounds melodious only when the instruments (parents and teachers) each play their part. Without a conductor (aligned goals), the music (child's development) becomes discordant. When parents and schools share a common vision and methodology, the outcome is a beautiful symphony of learning and growth.

A continuous state of discord can result in the production of dysfunctional individuals. Children turn entitled, manipulative, and cynical when there is divergence in opinion and approach. Almost always, children begin to demonstrate signs of deceit, dishonesty, disregard, and defiance when parents are openly critical of teachers and the school. They develop misplaced senses of loyalty, deviant tendencies, and distrusting personalities. 

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Why Trusting the School Matters?

Why should we trust the school and believe in its methodology? Schools invest heavily in creating effective teaching methods. They conduct research, brainstorm strategies, and sometimes even seek external consultations to develop the best approaches for their students. Sometimes the ‘why’ behind a particular school methodology may not always be readily apparent to parents, but trusting the educators' expertise is crucial. 

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The Parent Partnership Program

Although the school we admit our children to is a choice of our own making,, we may disagree on certain aspects. Being on the same page as the school doesn't mean blind obedience. In fact, a parent’s role demands the contrary. Here’s what a healthy parent-school union needs: 

• Open communication: Most schools today have open channels of communication and multiple forums for parents to seek redressal and clarification. Ensure that you proactively approach your school to understand their point of view. Needless to say, listening with an open mind is key. (Remember that this is also a strong demonstration that helps your child understand that speaking up and putting forward their point of view in any situation is critical). 
• Constructive communication: It is important to maintain constructive, decorous communication where feedback is shared appropriately. Avoid making this a blame game or playing the victim. Being forthcoming with your suggestions and assistance is a sure-shot way to be part of the solution and not the problem. (As a lesson to your children, you have shown them how the most difficult conversations can be handled constructively and courteously.) 
• Responsible communication: Things invariably go wrong when parents either consult their children or other parents. Avoid rumor- and gossip-mongering. Much like a marital relationship, issues are best resolved by the parties in question and not outsiders. Follow a practice of bringing your concerns directly to the school and avoid discussing them in parent groups. Never air your grievances before your children. It only teaches them to attack, undermine authority, and feed on drama. (The tendency for children to feed off gossip and rumors often comes from the kind of conversations they notice their parents having. When you set a strong precedent, children invariably notice how it is important to resolve issues with the parties concerned, and not brew a storm.)

Quite like our parents or a spouse, the school may also sometimes be wrong. Wisdom here lies in understanding that the intent is right even if the decision is questionable, and lending support, not just in what the school does, but also in terms of helping the school do better. 

We may also consider supplementing the child’s school learning through a few at-home learning activities as well, to cater to their individual liking and understanding. 

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The Wisdom: A United Front for a Thriving Child

Struggles between parent and school stem from distrust, control, and a lack of understanding. Often, this has nothing to do with the only stakeholder that counts - the child. Every experience, good or bad, right or wrong, is a step for a child to build personality, understanding, and character. So let that report card grade go down or the child be given that punishment. Letting the school and teachers do their job is the best bet for your child’s wellbeing.